the fourth of july

The fourth of July has never been my favorite holiday (generally reserved for xmas), but its always been one I enjoyed. No matter how I've felt the rest of the year, the fourth of July is usually one day I am garanteed to feel patriotic. I love small town fourth of julys with local parades, I love fourth of July's spent at a baseball game eating hot dogs... For one day I love displays of the flag, patriotic songs, those little things that make up "American Culture" and all associated Kitsch, but mostly I love fireworks. Fireworks are one of the few things in life that always have the ability, no matter where or when, to make me feel immediately happy. When I was 14 I saw firweorks in a small town in New Mexico. For many years I'd watch the fireworks at the Buzz baseball game. 4 years ago I took Ben and his friend to watch the fireworks at sugarhouse Park; 3 years ago I watched the fireworks in White River Junction, VT; 2 years ago I watched the fireworks over the water on Cape Cod; last year I went with mom and dad to sugarhouse park again- we ate navajo tacos.

This year I did not see fireworks on the fourth of July. Fortunately Jordan has more fireworks than anywhere I've been in my life. you're pretty much garanteed to see fireworks every thursday if you go out at dark, because someone's getting married. Thats one of the things I love about Jordan. But I didn't see fireworks on the fourth of july. And I didn't go to the American Embassy party. I meant to, but I forgot to get my name on the list soon enough, and there's TONS of security regarding the embassy and any event like this. I didn't eat a hotdog... no, I spent the eveing of the fourth of july in Jordan in a mexican (or cuban? some sort of latin) restaurant/bar, watching Italy play Germany, with a bunch of Jordanians, Swiss, Brits, even some from Russia and Kenya. No Americans though. In fact, oddly enough, I'm not sure if I saw another American all day. Interesting holliday. I guess I'm all 'international' now, or something like that... but I do miss the parades.

I feel that one part of trying to be an international type person is developing an appreciation for football (by which of course I mean soccer). I'm trying... really I am. I really enjoy the culture around football... I love the way people get so excited and dance around draped in the flag of their team of choice. I think its great that its such an international sport that all over Amman you have to get reservations to find somewhere to watch the game, even though Jordan was never even in it. So starting with our Turkey trip, and continuing on my return to Jordan I've tried to watch as many games as possible. I like it b/c it always gives you something to do, its a good excuse to go out, to get together with people, to stay out late, all that. BUt I must admit I don't actually enjoy the sport. I've worked on gaining a better appreciation of the rules, figuring out the players and all that, and now I like it MORE than Iused to, but fundamentally I still don't get it. My dad has this whole rant against soccer, and I find myself repeating it a lot these days- about how I don't get a sport where you can go a whole game without scoring, how I don't like that you can watch the game for 45 minutes without seeing a single goal, and then you can leave the room for a minute and miss the one goal of the game. Although I should admit, every time i've chosen which team I'm rooting for, that team then promply loses. So perhaps one reason I can't really get into the world cup is because I don't get to experience that whole singing/dancing/honking excited feeling after the game. Instead its always "ah man, just when I started to get into it we lost AGAIN..." So we'll see, I'll pick a team for the next semi, and the final, and if the team wins, maybe I'll feel differently. But for now give me basketball, give me American football, give me hockey, maybe even baseball over soccer. Not liking soccer... I guess was feeling patriotic on the 4th of July after all.

saying goodbye

I've always been horrible at saying goodbye and letting go, whether it be to a person, a place, a thing... This can be both a good and a bad thing... I hold on to my physical posessions, hardly throw anything away. This means I have all these great relics of my past that I can go back and look at when I feel nostalgic; it also means I have a clutter problem, made even more difficult by the constant moving from place to place. I hate losing people from my life. This has meant in a few situations that I have reached out when about to lose someone, and kept a friendship from slipping through my fingers... however you do lose touch with people, either through distance or argument, and my inability to let go more often than not simply leads to an inability to accept that I have lost someone, and trouble going out and meeting new people.

The last few weeks in Jordan have been full of goodbyes. I guess the goodbyes really started in my mind when my mom visited and we toured Jordan. I found myself realizing, this is probably the last time I'll see petra, wadi rum, and many other places. Then my birthday celebration on June 1st doubled as a goodbye for many people who would be leaving the country within a few days, or before I returned from travel; a Fulbright goodbye barbeque followed the next day. Then I traveled with Heide to Turkey and Lebanon (for more on that, see the pictures... www.ebpage.com/elisabeths_photo_gallery galleries include "In the Lebanon", "Istanbul" "Capadoccia" and "coastal tour"). During that whole trip I was mentally saying goodbye to Jordan, even though I was planning on staying here through July. Heide left about a week after we got back, so it was a goodbye party for her, who I'd spent more time with than anyone, goobye to my apartment as I moved out, basically goodbye to the life I'd known here. (I moved into a villa near the University, a whole new neighborhood for me, where I will be till I leave the country for good).

Not all of these goodbyes are sad b/c the experiences were so pleasant. I had very high and low times in that apartment in Shmeisani. On the one hand it was my home, the place I always came back to, the place I could always relax no matter what was going on outside. On the other hand my best experiences in Jordan took place outside the apartment, around the country, or in Amman's restaurants, friend's places, etc. Often when I'd stay in the apartment it was because I was feeling down, lonely, or the weather was bad, it got dark early, and I wasn't particularly loving Jordan at that moment. Yet even when I remember those times, I still feel regrets at leaving. I will miss the things that went well this year, and for those that did not, I will regret leaving them, b/c I will always wonder if I could have done more... if I could have tried a bit harder with some people, if I could have filled my time better. Ultimately these are not helpful worries, all we can do is the best we can, and then move on. But you see moving on is not something I do well.

Moving out of my apartment last week reminded me of moving out a year ago. I can so clearly remember packing up my room that I'd lived in for 9 months, and saying goodbye to the life I'd known for 4 years. Both times I was saying goodbye, not just to a place, not just to a group of people, but to a particular phase in my life. The difference is that last year I knew generally what was coming next, although I did not know what to expect from it, this year I have no idea.

Best and Worst of Jordan: Part Two (Best)

This post is a long time coming, for which I apologize. Do hate to leave the blog with a bitter note. But after Madeline left I continued to play tourguide duty for a while with my mom, and have been picking up the pieces of my life since.

I am reminded of the best parts of Jordan when I'm showing the country to someone else. Friends Madeline, Greg and Chris were so enthusiastic about everything, and really wanted to see the best the country had to offer, and so I in turn was motivated to do my best to show it to them. In a whirlwind tour we went to Aqaba, Wadi Rum, Petra, Kerak, and the dead sea. They were thrilled by the food, the people, the scenery... promised to send more people my way, basically everything you could hope for. Then two days after Madeline left my mom came, and I showed it all to her again, adding on Dana, the north, Desert castles (and a great trip to Jerusalem, but can't so much call that the "best of Jordan.") Instead of being bored I noticed new things this time. Plus when new eyes view the place, they point out things I have ceased to notice, or maybe never noticed to begin with. The friendliness of local people, the variety of scenery and sights, the beauty of the landscapes... all are things I have noted, but was forced to see anew as I showed them to others. Plus, one has a very different attitude about things when one is a tourist than when one lives here. I really love the knowledge that comes from living in a place, but its also fun to have the carefree spirit of a tourist, to take pictures as you want without worrying about being stupid, to go ahead and see the touristy things, buy a few silly souvenirs, eat at nice places, all that, but all the while with the backround knowledge that keeps you from seriously offending people.

I hear some jaded travelers say there isn't much to do in Jordan, but I love acting as a tourguide and proving that wrong. My mom was in the country for 7 full days, and we got up early and kept going all day; while we saw all the major things, there are still others I wish we had done. Sure, knowing a country isn't just about seeing the sights, but if one were to judge by tourist destinations alone, it would be clear that there is more to Jordan than most assume, and I've found this to be true in nearly all aspects of my life here. During the winter I stayed mostly in Amman, but having all these visitors was a great excuse to get to know the shape of the country again, top to bottom, east to west. On my bad days I'm only lukewarm about this country, but in the last few weeks, excepting a few negative experiences, I've really loved it.

Best and worst of Jordan: Part 1 (worst)

So after a four day trip to the south (with Madeline, friend from school and two new friends) that epitomized everything I love about Jordan, I had an experience that epitomized the worst of Jordan. I'll get to the good stuff later to end on a high note, but for now, the bad.
We had just gotten home and were unloading the rental car. I set my purse down near my feet to unload, when a car drove by. It drove up, then back (I thought maybe he wanted to park behind us), then quickly drove forward. I heard a noise and thought he'd hit our car; it wasn't till I looked down that I realized my purse was gone.
Fortunately I had my wallet in my pocket, but my passport, phone, ipod (just discovered that one today and am in mourning) drivers license and camera (worthless really, but some film I wanted) were in there. More problematic because Madeline and I were supposed to travel to Dubai Next day. So that night I dutifully go to police station, and make a report (In arabic no less, reverting to a minimum of hand gestures). Officer hand-writes my story and tells me to come in next morning, and he'll give me a copy of the report to take to the embassy.
Next morning I come in. Officer re-writes story by hand, and gives me a document to take to the police station in Abdali. Nope, can't go straight to the embassy, to Abdali first. Get to Abdali and have to find the office I need; like all Jordanian bureaucratic buildings nothing is well-labeled. I get there and wait for a while, unsure whats going on, then am told i should take a new document down to the department of residency and borders, and THEY'll give me something to take to the embassy. When I complain they act mystified "but it'll just take a minute." sure, in Jordanian time.
After residency and Borders I can finally go to the embassy. Well, first I go get passport photos, then Madeline and I buy strawberries and fried chicken to kill time and feel better since the embassy opens for americans at 12:30. Along the way I get into a fender-bender in the rental car. Did I mention it wasn't my day?
This was my first time actually entering the embassy, so my first time experiencing the wait at the door, double-security check, and wait once inside. Actually filling out the paperwork is easy, and I'm told I'll have a new passport in 3-7 days.

Thats mostly the end of the bad day, although I did get sick later in the evening. However since then I've had to buy a new phone, try to re-create my contact list (some people I have been completely unable to get, and it depresses me to no end), and had to arrange to get a new mp3 player. If Madeline hadn't been in town (we stayed in Amman another 3 days since we couldn't go to Dubai), it would have been my worst week in Jordan so far. But fortuantely it was only the one day that was so bad, and the rest of the time I showed Madeline the best parts of Amman.

A Trip to Aqaba

I went to Aqaba a couple of weeks ago, but I just posted the photos, so I figured that merited a blog entry.

Aqaba was the last major site in Jordan that I hadn't been to- had been to Petra, Wadi Rum, Dead Sea, Jerash, Mt Nebo, etc etc, but not Aqaba. I guess I just didn't get around to it in the fall, and wanted to wait till it was warm enough to really enjoy it in the spring. When my friend Maighdlan said she was going down for a weekend, it seemed the perfect opportunity.

Woke up at 6 in the morning to get a service cab at 7:30, to get to aqaba around noon (with a long rest stop along the way). We got there and checked into the Radisson, then went Jet Skiing at the urge of some of Maighdlan's friends. I'd never been before, so why not? (I didn't get to drive myself, I'll have to do that later, I just sat in the back). Then we sat out, I had fish and chips, and we did a bit of shopping.

Next day we woke up and went snorkeling down over on the south beach. First we snorkeled around the coral with underwater camera (I saw one HUGE fish, but it got away before I could capture it... I swear), then made our way down the beach to snorkel around a shipwreck (purposefully placed), I couldn't quite hold my breath long enough to dive down and touch the ship, but it was close enough to the surface to see pretty well from a snorkeler's vantage.

Overall it was a great weekend- its nice to know that yes, it is worth it to go to Aqaba for just two days. It was so relaxing just to spend some time down south where the weather was warmer, and you can just sit out under the sun. As noted in previous entry, I wish there were more places in Amman besides outdoor cafes to soak up some sun, not for its tanning effects, but for the mental health and overall wellbeing benefits that sunlight brings. In Aqaba I got that chance. Whatever vestiges of winter depression I had melted away, but sure I got a bit of a tan too.

Tranquility and Craziness

After the Dead sea race, I decided to spend sunday up north somewhere. Back in the fall I tried to do several day trips, just to get out of Amman, and decided to re-start that trend as its springtime and I keep hearing how pretty things get up north in the spring. I didn't really care where to go, just anywhere with greeness, but I figured Ajloun would be a good target, since I hadn't been there. Invited a peace corps friend along, and off we headed, my bag full of snacks. We met up with another peace corpser in Ajloun, and looked around her center, then the three of us headed up to the castle. I found I wasnt as interested in the historicalness (new word) as much as I often am, but mostly wanted to get up top as soon as possible and look out at the view. The town of Ajloun really is beautiful, situated in a valley among hills. Its great to stand down in the town and look up at the castle on the hill, or look down at the town from the castle. We sat in a green area in front of the castle and had lunch, before the Ammanites took a bus back to the city. Its great too how late it stays light. We didn't arrive back in Amman till 6;30, but it was still so light outside. Spring, wonderful.

But its also springtime in Amman, although its not as beautiful in ajloun. I first realized it must be spring when I started seeing people grazing sheep in all the empty lots, because suddenly the lots were full of green grass. This has given me the opportunity to marvel at the new baby sheep. Because of this I notice empty lots more than I used to, because now instead of just being a piece of barren land, they serve as green space (there is no real planned green space ie nice parks in the vicinity of my house).

The springtime puts me in a good mood, but i've also been going crazy. Madeline comes on Friday, so I have had much arrangements to do before she came. We had a clog in the bathroom,so had to fix that so it didn't flood each time we took a shower, then had to get the place cleaned up, got tickets for us to go to Dubai, and still working on hotel reservations. It woudn't be too much to do, except my mom is coming right after Madeline, so I have to work on a lot of the details of her visit at the same time, since I'll only have 2 days of downtime between.

To make matters a bit more frustrating, my knee has been hurting ever since friday. I'm sure it'll be fine, and still very glad I did the race, but haven't been able to go through with my new resolution of starting to run, because I need to take it easy on the knee for a bit. Ah well, so it goes.

So life is always a little bit crazy, but at least now, unlike in the winter, when it gets frustrating, all I have to do is take one step outside the house to see the sun, the blue sky, feel the warm air, and realize its spring, and I feel so much better.

Dead Sea 10 K

Can't garantee the blog is back for good, but this was worth a mention. I ran (mostly) in the dead sea marathon... the 10K fun run even that was part of the Dead sea marathon... but I feel really good about it!

Now to begin with, you have to understand that I have never been a runner; even at my most active I swam, I hiked, I did the eliptical, I walked, I biked, but I never ran. So, maybe mid-february or so Rivda mentions that we should do the 10K fun run. At first I'm hesitant, but she says it will be fun, we can even walk if we want. But I get to thinking, maybe this is a good excuse to start running (read: jogging). So at the gym I start introducing jogging into my routine. I start only being able to go about 10 minutes at a time, then 20. Even by race time I have only really jogged 30 minutes at a time w/ no walk intervals, but up to 45 minutes interspersed by 5 minutes of walking. My feet being flat and my knees pronating I am constantly plagued by blisters and knee pains, but I tape my feet, ice my knees, and try to build up a smidgen of running endurance.

I feel a bit silly making so much of a big deal about the 10K race, but it was something I'd set for myself. I hadn't been in any running race before (besides maybe neighborhood race at age 6), and while I used to compete in skiing and swimming, hadn't been in any organized sporting event for years. I used to love with skiing the feeling of being part of something, getting the goodie bag, starting with everyone, celebrating at the finish no matter how slow you went, because you all finished. So even if I had to walk a bit, I was really excited about being part of this event.

The night before the race, RIvda and I go to carb loading dinner. Saw lots of foreigners who travel from country to country running marathons. I go to bed about 9:30. On Friday I wake up at 4:45 (as Madeline says, about 100:1 ratio of times I stay up TILL 4:45 compared to get UP at 4:45), eat breakfast, get all ready, meet Rivda, go to meeting spot, watched amused as group of guys dances dabka in preparation for 10K race, take bus to meeting spot. In the bus we drive the entire length of the 48 K Ultra Marathon- tons of downhill, my knees would kill me if ever I attempted such. At the start they haven't set up the porta-potties yet, I freak out, but eventually that is remedied. There are lots of young kids, some older folks, girls in hijab, girls even in long dresses... I psyche myself and Rivda up by preparing her for the fact that probably all these groups of people, excluding those in dresses, since they can't really run, will beat us.

I hoped to finish in 1:15, based on my treadmill slow jog rate (don't mock the virgin runner). Anyhow, ultimately I did walk a little bit, I ran the whole first 4 K, and the last 2.5 or so, but in the middle there were a few gradual ups that I walked a bit on, but I still maintained faster than my hoped for 7:30 K pace, and ended up finishing in 1:11. I was so happy, it felt great. Plus there was so much stimulation at the finish- water, red bull, apples, leg massage, blister control (I developed a mega blister but only at the end, so I continued to run on it- today its not happy), beach... group of guys dancing dabka again at the finish (I'm thinking- I'm exhausted, how on earth are they still dancing?).

Eventually the pride wears off a bit as the half marathoners start crossing the line in droves (the first few passed me before I finished- but not droves), then start to see the marathon and ultra marathoners at the finish. But ah well, goals for next year, reasons to keep trying this new trend of yogging. The finish area was like a party, there was music, tons of freebies (popcorn, juice, pens), shwarma and other refreshments, sun, and of course the beach and dead sea itself. We sat out there for about 6 hours, just basking in the joy of it all. Couldn't beat the feeling.